By Sydney Page
The evening of senior prom, a pupil at Nashville Christian School stood in the parking lot outside the venue, holding a sign that read: “They wouldn’t let me in because I’m in a suit.”
B Hayes, who uses the pronouns they/he, was prohibited from entering the high school prom this past weekend due to a dress code violation. Hayes showed up in a black suit rather than a dress.
An Instagram post on April 23 shows a photo of Hayes holding the sign. In the caption, they explained that they were turned away at the door.
“My name is B Hayes. im 18 years old and i’ve been attending Nashville Christian School for 13 years. my senior prom was today and i wasn’t allowed in the doors because i was wearing a suit,” Hayes wrote.
“I should not have to conform to femininity to attend my senior prom. i will not compromise who i am to fit in a box. Who are you to tell us what it means to be a woman?”
An online version of the school handbook states: “Identity – God created us as male or female, and we will live consistently with the gender God chose for us.”
Hayes said they were surprised when they noticed the Instagram post had started to spread in the community and beyond.
“It’s been amazing to see so many people share, like and comment on my post. I never imagined it would get this amount of attention,” Hayes said.
Nashville Christian School said it has “established dress requirements for daily school attendance and at our special events. All students and families are aware of and sign an agreement to these guidelines when they enroll.
“While we certainly respect a student’s right to disagree, all of our students know from our school handbook that when they do not follow such expectations at school-sponsored events, they may be asked to leave.”
The school said the dress code was clearly communicated to pupils and their families before the prom.
Student handbook “dress expectations” include: “All students should choose Banquet attire that is appropriate for modesty and consistent with the Biblical principles to guide student behavior and the statement of faith of Nashville Christian School. Students who do not adhere to these expectations may be asked to leave the event.”
The handbook also states: “Students may not attend banquet with a student of the same gender/sex.”
Marcie Allen Van Mol came across Hayes’s Instagram post after it was shared by a popular Instagram account called “A Girl Has No President“.
“It just absolutely broke my heart that a high school student was not able to attend their prom,” said Van Mol, who owns AB Hillsboro Village, a live-music venue in Nashville, with her husband.
As a stepparent to two teenage daughters, Van Mol said, she was distraught.
“You have an 18-year-old young adult who is trying to enjoy their last five weeks of their senior year and experience a prom as we all did,” she said. “That simple thing is a rite of passage.”
Her husband, Derek, agreed.
“We just wanted to get involved and try to help out,” he said.
They brainstormed ideas and decided to offer their venue to host a private prom, hoping to give Hayes a chance to celebrate the milestone.
Van Mol posted about their plan on social media to solicit some support, and almost immediately, people and small businesses began reaching out, offering to pitch in.
Allison Holley, who owns Apple & Oak, a home goods store in Nashville, saw the story on social media and decided to get involved.
“I was just appalled,” said Holley. “The fact that a child wouldn’t be allowed into prom because they’re wearing pants is just absurd.
“We are so proud of B in this, not only for posting it, but for not conforming and being themselves.”
Holley started a GoFundMe page called “throw the ultimate prom for B”. The first day, people donated more than $26 000 (about R450K).
Dozens of vendors and small businesses reached out with offers to help, too. Messages poured in from florists, photo booth companies, designers, restaurants and photographers, among others.
“Everyone just wants to support this for B,” said Holley. “We have such strong small businesses here, and they’re always willing to step up.”
“The power of small businesses and how they lift up and support their communities is staggering,” added Van Mol.
Holley and Van Mol, neither of whom knew Hayes until recently, said they would use the money collected to pay small businesses that helped put on the prom.
“We would love to be able to support B and also support small businesses at the same time,” Holley said, adding that any additional funds they raised would be split equally between Inclusion Tennessee and Oasis Center – two charities that support LGBTQ rights. Hayes selected the organisations, which have both been helpful throughout their high school years, Van Mol said.
The way businesses and individuals have rallied around Hayes, Holley said, was in stark contrast to the political climate in Tennessee.
“The Nashville community isn’t really reflected in our lawmakers or our leadership,” Holley said, pointing to many state laws that restrict LGBTQ rights. “We're a loving, supportive, diverse, inclusive and creative community.”
At a recent concert in Knoxville, rapper Lizzo protested against the state’s legislation aimed at curbing drag performances in public.
Last month, six people, including three children, were shot and killed at a Catholic school in Nashville. After the killing, the Republican-led Tennessee House voted on April 6 to oust two Democratic lawmakers who halted proceedings to take part in a protest in support of gun-control legislation.
Both expelled Democrats have since been reappointed. Still, lawmakers have taken no steps on gun control.
The prom for Hayes is planned for May 6, and they will invite 25 friends to attend. R&B artist Tone Stith has signed on to do a private performance.
Hayes said they are grateful to have received so much support.
“Knowing that not only the Nashville community is behind me but people all over the country are supporting the issue is incredible to see,” they said. “I hope the awareness can bring about positive change and that more students in the future feel strong enough to stand up for freedom of expression.”
Van Mol and Holley are wishing for the same.
“We hope that this is a domino effect,” said Van Mol. “We hope that cities and states and countries all watch this and see how one act of kindness can spawn thousands of acts of kindness.
“We can fight hate with love.”