Parenting styles have a powerful impact on children's self-esteem, which, according to experts, plays a crucial role in their mental health.
With millions of adolescents living with diagnosed mental health disorders, this link between self-esteem and mental health cannot be understated.
According to the State of the World's Children 2021 report, parenting is foundational to children's mental health.
Parents have a significant responsibility to raise happy, healthy, and well-rounded children, and nurturing self-esteem from a young age is one of the most critical parts of developing mentally healthy adults.
This responsibility is particularly relevant as we approach Global Parents Day and International Children's Day on June 1st.
The Parent Centre, a Cape Town-based NGO, is shining a light on the importance of self-esteem for mental health. They cite research showing that different parenting styles can have varying effects on children's self-esteem.
Authoritative parenting, characterised by warmth and high expectations while allowing for flexibility, has been associated with higher self-esteem and better mental health outcomes in children.
On the other hand, authoritarian parenting, which emphasises strict rules and punishments, can lead to lower self-esteem and increased anxiety or depression.
Permissive parenting, which is characterised by a lack of rules and accountability, has also been linked to reduced self-esteem.
According to Kaashifa King, counsellor and training facilitator at The Parent Centre, parents need to prioritise building and fostering their children's self-esteem, regardless of their parenting style.
Many parents unconsciously repeat the parenting styles they experienced or witnessed around them, without realising that self-esteem is one of the fundamental building blocks necessary for children's healthy development, points out King.
Research demonstrates that children with high self-esteem exhibit better emotional and behavioural outcomes, such as resilience, healthy friendships, and the ability to manage stress. Conversely, children with low self-esteem are at higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, and substance abuse problems.
Therefore, The Parent Centre advises parents to invest time in understanding the impact of their parenting style on their child's self-esteem and promote a nurturing environment that builds their confidence and positive self-worth.
Parenting styles have a profound impact on children's self-esteem, which is a critical component of their mental health.
One of the secrets of building self-esteem in children, according to King, is accepting our children for who they are.
She adds, “Our children have unique developmental stages, temperaments, backgrounds, and life experiences that shape their behaviour. Rather than trying to control who they are, we need to accept and embrace their individuality, uniqueness, and distinctiveness. When we do this, we teach them self-love.”
To help parents build self-esteem in their children, King shares her list of dos and don’ts below: Do’s:
Quality time
Spend quality time with your children together and individually. The amount of time is not important, but the extent to which you give of yourself.
Listen
Take time to listen to your children. They know when we are not attentive, for example when we are glued to our phones. A little listening goes a long way.
Have empathy
Accept when your children make mistakes as a necessary part of learning.
Encourage
Encourage children to do things on their own and teach them problem-solving. Give your child a feeling of reasonable control over their life.
Validate
Accept and respect your child’s feelings. Reinforce that they are lovable and capable.
Don’ts:
Do not blame, use sarcasm, or threaten.
Don't overpraise
A child knows when praise is not sincere, so praising for the sake of it is a waste of time. For example, if your child didn’t do his or her best at an activity, rather tell them that it’s okay to have off days and that you are proud of them for not giving up.
Do not use harsh language or criticism
Hearing things like ‘you have no ambition, or you’re lazy’ is not motivating, and has the opposite effect. Rather encourage children by focusing their attention on what you’d like them to do better.
Do not neglect your own self-care
However, regardless of parenting styles, parents should foster their children's self-esteem from an early age, to help them develop into happy and well-rounded individuals.