Question: We tried potty training our son, who is two and a half, about four months ago. Although he successfully peed for two days, on day three we stopped the training as he wouldn’t sit on the potty unless he was instructed or put to sit on it.
We put the potty away and decided to try again in a few months. Then two months ago he had a poo in the bath, by accident, and keeps on talking about it. He is very reluctant to get into the bath now.
My reaction at the time was very calm and I took the poo out and put it down the toilet. I have been telling him that it is okay to have an accident in the bath. He frequently comes to the bathroom with me when I’m going to the toilet and is curious.
We tried potty training him again recently when both my husband and I were off work and it didn’t work as he refused to sit on the potty or even the toilet. But we know that he has both bladder and bowel control.
For example, he holds his poo until he goes to bed, mainly in the evening time.
I have tried increasing his fruit and water intake in the morning to see if he can poo during the day and not hold it until bed time but it hasn’t worked.
So really I would like some advice on how to approach potty training more successfully in the future.
Answer: The most important thing you can do is to wait for at least six months. In the last four months he has had two trials at toileting and had the pooing accident in the bath. This is a lot of focus, in a short space of time, on what is coming out of him!
I’d imagine that he might have built up some resistance to the whole idea of toileting and letting go of his poos and wees.
The core achievement in toilet training, for small children, is that they gain mastery over their bowels and bladders. They get a strong sense of control, of freedom and of new maturity.
To ease this process, they need to have little else bothering them or on their mind. This is why it is always better to start the process when things are otherwise quite stable in their lives.
I think your son may feel, right now, that the whole pooing thing, for example, is quite a big and stressful deal. So he needs to have a genuinely fresh start, months down the line when things are settled for him again.
So for now, reduce or eliminate all of your references to weeing and pooing and take the focus right off his bodily functions. Let him keep his nappy on and take any pressure off.
If you wait for another few months you will hopefully find that his pooing falls into a regular rhythm, even if that is that he continues to need to go at night time more than in the day.
When the time comes to restart the training you need to differentiate it from any of the other attempts. So you might decide, for example, to start with an insert on the toilet seat instead of a potty.
You can use this daily body rhythm to your advantage by encouraging him to sit on the toilet at times you know that he is most likely to go. That way you won’t feel the need to be constantly reminding him.
Beyond that you need to take the same matter-of-fact approach to accidents as you have taken with the bath incident. But, don’t dwell on accidents or keep checking if he is okay after an accident. No fuss, just clean up and move on.
When you do try to train him next time, it will also help if you have a relentlessly positive attitude and seem very warm, relaxed and good-humoured.
So, try to put any anxieties that he might falter a third time aside and show your most encouraging face! – Irish Independent