How to enhance your orgasm, according to sex experts
|Published
Orgasms are a natural and healthy part of life for many people. They are a physical response during sexual activity that brings pleasure and satisfaction. But there's a lot to know about how orgasms work and what to expect.
An orgasm is a peak of sexual pleasure, with an intense feeling of release and contentment. For many, it involves muscle contractions; these of course occur involuntarily in parts of the body, like around the genitals.
With it, you feel intense happiness and relaxation as well as an increased heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing.
Each person’s experience is unique.
However, most believe that penetrative sex is the best way, which is not entirely true. Often, other forms of stimulation are more effective.
Goop reached out to a group of trusted sex experts to find out how to deepen orgasms. A common theme emerged: activating more senses can lead to greater pleasure.
Here are some unique and simple ways to achieve this, whether you’re with a partner or by yourself.
Be present and build anticipation
“There’s no pleasure without presence,” says Dr Joy Berkheimer, chief sexologist at SXWA. “And orgasm is your evidence of full presence.”
Berkheimer suggests creating sexual anticipation through conscious erotic touch, where one person gives and the other receives.
The giver uses a mix of pressures and sensations – like caressing shoulders firmly with hands, lightly brushing ribs with a feather, and gently pouring warm wax along the back.
It’s about putting someone in a position where they don’t know what’s coming next, making their body come alive with excitement. This anticipation can heighten your presence and deepen your orgasms.
Prime your body with sex toys
Shannon Chavez Qureshi, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, recommends vibrator priming.
“Massage the genital area, pubic mound, and inner thighs to get those nerve endings firing,” she says.
This method stimulates pelvic muscles, increases blood flow, and releases tension, which all boost arousal and deepen orgasms.
“Different patterns and intensities of a vibrator prepare your body to respond to various types of sexual pleasure and play,” Chavez Qureshi adds.
Make some noise
"Sound can enhance pleasure," says Sheri Winston, a holistic sexuality teacher and author of "Women’s Anatomy of Arousal“.
She suggests finding your unique sounds of pleasure instead of mimicking what you hear in adult films.
Soft vowel sounds are a good start. Any noise that helps you relax and feel expansive can heighten your experience.
Deepen your breath
Sheila Kamara Hay, a certified somatic coach, points out that many people unknowingly tense up and breathe shallowly during sex.
Working with board-certified functional ob-gyn Suzanne Fenske, MD, at TārāMD, Hay advises being mindful of your body tension.
By consciously relaxing and deepening your breath, you can expand your sexual energy and experience more intense sensations of pleasure.
Communicate clearly
Pamela Madsen, a somatic wellness educator and founder of Back to the Body retreat, emphasises the importance of simple communication during sex.
Clear and straightforward phrases like "faster", "slower", "harder“, "just like that" or "stay there", can effectively convey your desires to your partner.
Transform shame
Sayaka Adachi, a certified sex educator and clinical sexologist, notes that self-critical thoughts can impede your ability to enjoy orgasms.
To counter this, she recommends familiarising yourself with your body and practising self-love through affirmations and self-pleasure.
If negative thoughts persist, she suggests integrating them into foreplay. For instance, if someone feels ashamed of their vulva, acknowledging and discussing these feelings can help transform them, reducing their impact on sexual enjoyment.
Make time for full-body sensual play
Karen Yates, a sex educator and host of the podcast "Wild & Sublime," suggests setting aside an hour for mindful sensual play.
The goal isn't to orgasm but to explore and enjoy. This approach removes the pressure to climax and opens up time for discovery.
She advises using various tools, such as oils, feathers, or even just your fingernails. By stimulating different parts of your body in many ways, your arousal and chances for a deeper orgasm can increase. You can try this alone or with a partner.
Edging
Edging is a technique used during sex where you bring yourself or your partner close to orgasm, then back off before reaching climax.
This process is repeated multiple times, building up heightened arousal each time. The method aims to deepen the eventual orgasm, making it more intense and satisfying.
By stopping just before the point of no return, sexual tension builds up. When you finally allow yourself to climax, the release can feel much stronger and more pleasurable.
By engaging more senses and exploring new techniques, you can enhance your sexual experience. Whether with a partner or solo, these expert tips aim to help you achieve deeper, more fulfilling orgasms.
Orgasms are a healthy and enjoyable part of sexual activity for many people, but everyone’s experience is unique. Understanding your body, communicating with partners, and practising relaxation can enhance the experience.
If challenges persist, seeking professional advice may help. Remember, the journey to knowing your body is just as important as the destination.