Anika Dambuza’s breadwinner confession sparks debate on stereotypes in Mzansi

South Africa is in its feelings, and it started with a confession.

On "The Real City Makoti", reality star and digital creator Anika “Kungi” Dambuza revealed that she was the breadwinner in her marriage to Sihle Dambuza. Within hours, timelines were ablaze. Comment sections overflowed.

The word “ego” trended harder than any bridal hashtag ever could.

“Why does talking about being a female breadwinner make people uncomfortable? Why is it automatically assumed that it will bruise a man's ego?” Kungi asked in a now-viral video, her tone calm but pointed.

The question cut deep because it touched a nerve older than social media, the belief that a man’s value is measured by his ability to provide.

For decades, particularly in African households shaped by colonial disruption and migrant labour systems, masculinity became synonymous with financial provision. Men were often physically removed from homes in search of work, reducing “presence” to “pay cheque”.

Providing became the only visible metric of worth. And when economic realities shifted, unemployment rising, women entering and dominating sectors like digital entrepreneurship, the script didn’t update fast enough.

Kungi’s reality simply exposed that gap.

“I know a lot of women keep quiet or lie about who the real breadwinner is to protect egos. But a confident man is not embarrassed by his partner's success and is secure enough in his masculinity to stand beside her and not compete with it.

"Sihle’s always been so supportive of me, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything that I've done without him.”

For context, this is the same woman who made her first million through TikTok content blending Afrikaans charm with Xhosa tradition, greeting followers with “Molweni julle” and referring to her husband as “Umyeni wami”.

Her viral Xhosa wedding softened even the hardest cynics. Her brand, The City Makoti, was built on cultural fusion and love. Now it’s expanding into something more uncomfortable: financial truth.

“This just goes to show how deeply society still ties a man’s value to provision and how rarely make space for other realities. Cause now I have to pretend or lie or keep quiet about my reality.”

And that’s the shaking part.

When a woman earns more, psychologists call the backlash compensatory masculinity, the subtle or overt ways men reclaim dominance when traditional roles shift. Sometimes it shows up as financial control. Sometimes emotional withdrawal. Sometimes online outrage is disguised as “concern.”

Is the discomfort really about her marriage or about power moving inside African homes?

Kungi refuses to shrink.

“A female breadwinner is extremely normal in my reality. We live in a time where women are working, succeeding and doing very well. What do you expect? And when that success shows up in a marriage, it challenges long-held ideologies, not because it’s wrong but because it's not the way we grew up.

"It’s not the story to tell. Meaning mina, respect is the foundation of a home; we don’t run our home with finances. We run it with values. Money doesn’t lead a family, values do.”

She is clear: Sihle remains Intloko yekhaya head of the home.

“In our how umyeni wam is deeply respected as the head of the house (Intloko yekhaya). Leadership isn’t only about financial provision. It’s about presence and guidance and covering your family emotionally and spiritually.

"Also, being a financial provider doesn’t make you a good husband. You still have to come home and show up, be a present husband, you still have to be a father, love has to be felt, not funded!”

That line, love has to be felt, not funded may be the thesis of this moment.

And Sihle? He stepped into the storm dressed sharply, smiling into the camera.

“Don’t worry about me. Mina's life is good, and I'm very happy. No fragile masculinity here! So please don’t project your feelings on me. Okay?!”

Still, the internet had opinions.

@taste_SA wrote: “The backbone of most South African households is the female breadwinner. I have no idea why they're acting brand new in the comments😂😂”

@ZuluMillenial 🇿🇦 shared: “I have been married 12 years to a wonderful Xhosa man, and he and I swap who is the breadwinner depending on who needs rest and a mental health break in this capitalistic world.”

Others were less generous, warning of ego collapse and public oversharing.

But beneath the noise lies a heavier truth: South Africa carries both a breadwinner crisis and a single-parent crisis. Women often carry households financially and emotionally. What Kungi did was say it publicly, unapologetically.

“And the hill I am willing to die on, is this one: every woman should be able to maintain her lifestyle without her man… strength and independence can coexist with respect and love. But every home is different.”

This is not a war between husband and wife. It is a mirror held up to a society renegotiating masculinity, partnership and pride.

“Female success is not a problem; insecurity is. A home is built on truth, and support will always be stronger than one built on pretending… The show didn’t create our reality, it simply reflected it.”

Mzansi isn’t just reacting to a reality show storyline. It’s reacting to the collapse of an old script. And maybe that’s the real headline: Provision built the past, partnership is building the future.