Understanding workplace bullying: the hidden power dynamics beyond gender

I recently stumbled across an X (formerly Twitter) thread by Amukelani that stopped me in my tracks. The debate? How men and women bully differently at work.

The words “men as saboteurs” and “women as main characters” popped up again and again, sparking a fiery online exchange.

But behind the memes and labels lies a more serious question: does gender really shape how bullying plays out in the workplace, or are we simply reinforcing stereotypes?

To unpack this, "Independent Media Lifestyle" spoke with experts who spend their careers helping organisations navigate workplace conflict.

What they shared reveals that bullying is rarely just about “mean colleagues”. It’s about power, culture and the silent systems that let bad behaviour thrive.

Power, gender and the risk of oversimplifying

“Calling men the ‘saboteurs’ and women the ‘main characters’ can be catchy online,” explained Anja van Beek, talent strategist, leadership & HR expert, and executive coach.

“But it runs the risk of perpetuating stereotypes rather than addressing the issue. Bullying is always about power - who has it, who doesn’t, and how it’s abused.”

She points out that men are often labelled “saboteurs” because they tend to occupy higher-ranking roles, while women may be more visible in interpersonal conflicts. “But if we stop there, we miss the bigger picture of organisational culture and accountability,” Van Beek said.

Bernise Games, of YuLife, agrees. “Workplace bullying is rarely as simple as one person being mean. It often mirrors deeper social structures: gender, race, culture, and even neurodiversity. A woman of colour in a male-dominated industry won’t experience bullying the same way as her white female colleague.

"A man in a female-majority workplace may feel the weight of being the minority just as heavily. It’s not just about personality clashes, it’s about how power circulates.”

Scroll through any workplace bullying thread and you’ll notice the divide. Women often share stories of exclusion, being undermined, or facing harsher criticism for speaking up. Men, meanwhile, are more likely to stay silent or describe bullying in terms of dominance and control.

“Bullying manifests differently,” Van Beek explained. “For women, it’s often about exclusion and undermining. For men, it may show up as overt or indirect dominance. These differences shape the conversations we see online.”

Jaco Oosthuizen, also from YuLife, adds that these gendered conversations reveal just how complex bullying is.

“Globally, evidence shows both men and women can be perpetrators. Men may act behind the scenes by subtle exclusion, withholding resources. Women may be more visible, getting cast as ‘dramatic.’ But these are clichés. The real issue is how organisational culture allows power to be abused.”

The “main character” trap

Are women really more often the visible faces of office drama, while men quietly pull strings in the background?

“Sometimes it seems that way,” Van Beek admitted, “but perception is often more important than reality. Men can get away with subtle sabotage, while women are labelled ‘dramatic’ simply for holding people accountable. Visibility shouldn’t equal guilt.”

Games put it differently: “Society talks about power in gendered ways. Women may be more willing to share personal experiences, while men resist the ‘victim’ label. That creates parallel conversations that miss each other one about empathy and visibility, the other about silence or defensiveness.”

How much of workplace bullying is about gender and how much is about culture?

“Bullying is far more a function of systems and culture than personality or gender,” said Van Beek. “Bad behaviour thrives where accountability is weak. Whether bullying is accepted depends less on gender and more on whether respect and psychological safety are prioritised.”

Games added: “Toxic cultures reward aggressive behaviour and ignore complaints. Research shows that being ‘different’ in any way, gender non-conforming, a racial minority, or even just the lone person in a team, heightens the risk of bullying. It’s about who is allowed to belong.”

Can social media spark real change?

Social media puts workplace bullying in the spotlight in ways that organisations can’t ignore. “Online debates can force companies to respond,” Oosthuizen told Lifestyle. “But the danger is that they flatten the issue into men versus women, bullies versus victims. Real solutions need nuance.”

Van Beek agreed: “Hashtags are powerful, but companies that only react to ‘gender drama’ miss the deeper cultural issues. The real work is building inclusive workplaces where psychological safety isn’t optional.”

Workplace bullying is more than uncomfortable; it’s costly. According to Gartner, companies with high levels of bullying see reduced employee engagement, higher turnover, and stifled innovation. In South Africa, where bullying is often described as a “silent epidemic,” the stakes are especially high.

So what does a gender-balanced solution look like? Experts agree it begins by addressing behaviour, not gender.

• Culture: Build workplaces where accountability and respect are non-negotiable.
• Leadership: Equip leaders with emotional intelligence to spot bullying early and address it fairly.
• Systems: Provide safe, confidential reporting channels so employees don’t fear reprisals.

“Bullies can be anyone,” Van Beek stressed. “But everyone deserves a safe workplace.”

Labels like “saboteurs” and “main characters” may spark clicks online, but they don’t solve the problem. Workplace bullying isn’t about gender alone; it’s about power, culture, and how organisations choose to respond.

The truth is this: bullying thrives in silence. But with cultural change, strong leadership, and systems that protect employees, workplaces can shift from toxic to safe. And in that shift, the real power isn’t in saboteurs or main characters, it’s in creating spaces where everyone belongs.