Valentine’s Day pressure: Why Cupid’s arrow sometimes feels like a loaded bow
Valentine’s Day, or as many South Africans affectionately call it, Valaza, is almost here! For some, it’s a day of love, romance and thoughtful gestures, with rose bouquets and chocolate boxes flying off the shelves.
However, for others, it can be a stark reminder of loneliness, unmet expectations and the pressures of social media’s highlight reels.
But whether you're in a relationship, single, or somewhere in between, this day can be an opportunity for self-reflection, deeper connections, and even a mental health check-in.
To help us navigate the emotional ups and downs that Valentine’s Day can bring, “Independent Media Lifestyle” spoke with Sikander Kalla, a clinical psychologist and founder of Cohesive Collaboration, about relationships, expectations and mental well-being during this season of love.
The pressure of Valentine’s Day: Why does it affect us so much?
Valentine’s Day often shines a spotlight on romantic relationships, making it an emotionally charged occasion.
According to Kalla, many people use milestones like birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day to evaluate their personal and romantic progress, which can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy.
"Much like turning 30, 40, or 50 and reflecting on life’s achievements, Valentine’s Day can prompt individuals to assess their romantic relationships or lack thereof. If they feel they are falling short of certain societal expectations, they may experience loneliness or self-doubt," Kalla explains.
This is especially true in a social media-driven world, where people are constantly exposed to curated images of seemingly perfect relationships.
Research suggests that increased social media usage can lead to low self-esteem, social comparison, and dissatisfaction with one’s life (Mental Health Foundation, 2016).
Social media and the culture of comparison on Valentine’s Day
Ever found yourself scrolling through Instagram on Valentine’s Day, only to be bombarded with pictures of extravagant gifts, romantic getaways, and #CoupleGoals moments? You’re not alone.
"We all know that social media can be the thief of joy, yet we still fall into the trap of comparison," says Kalla.
The key, according to Kalla, is reality testing reminding ourselves that social media often amplifies distortions of reality.
"If someone finds themselves checking social media more often or feeling worse after scrolling through Valentine’s posts, this might be a sign to take a step back and reassess their emotional well-being," he advises.
“Try limiting your social media use on Valentine’s Day. Instead of doom-scrolling, engage in activities that bring personal joy, such as reading, exercising, or spending quality time with loved ones.”
For couples: how to celebrate without the pressure
For those in relationships, the pressure to create a picture-perfect Valentine’s Day can be overwhelming.
But meaningful celebrations don’t have to be extravagant or expensive.
"Effective communication is essential. Couples should openly discuss their expectations and desires for the day, ensuring both partners feel valued without unnecessary stress," says Kalla.
The goal is to focus on connection rather than societal expectations.
Celebrating Valentine's Day while being single
Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you have to feel left out. In fact, it can be the perfect time to prioritise self-love and well-being.
Here are some fun ways to celebrate yourself:
- Host a self-care night with face masks, good food, and your favourite movies.
- Treat yourself: buy that item you’ve been eyeing for months.
- Spend time with friends or family - love isn’t just romantic!
- Reflect on personal growth - set goals and acknowledge your achievements.
"There is immense value in being mindful of your relationship with yourself. Practising self-compassion and setting achievable goals can help cultivate a positive mindset,” says Kalla.
What love really looks like
Many people believe that true love should be effortless and always romantic.
However, Kalla reminds us that healthy relationships require work, communication, and mutual respect.
"We do not expect people to be perfect in their relationships, but rather, we expect them to be working towards handling their imperfections," he says.
Relationship truths:
- Love isn’t about perfection, it’s about growth and understanding.
- Communication is more important than grand gestures: A strong relationship is built on daily interactions, not just one special day.
- Being single isn’t a failure: It’s an opportunity to focus on personal growth.
Instead of letting Valentine’s Day dictate our emotions, we can use it as an opportunity for self-reflection and emotional wellness.
If you find this time of year particularly challenging, there are mental health resources available:
- CohesiveCollaboration: visit: www.cohesivecollaboration.com (https://www.cohesivecollaboration.com) for mental health consulting and awareness.
- South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG): Visit www.sadag.org (https://www.sadag.org) or call 0800 567 567 for free, 24/7 support.
"Valentine’s Day is just one day in the grand scheme of life. Whether you’re celebrating love with a partner, friends, or yourself, what truly matters is prioritising emotional well-being and meaningful connections," concludes Kalla.
What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Do you love it, dread it or treat it like any other day? Let us know with a comment!