The ‘Girl with the List’ on TikTok: sparking honest chats about pregnancy's hidden hazards

When TikTok creator and new mother Sarah Biggers-Stewart opened up about her harrowing postpartum experience in 2023, one viewer’s comment stood out: “Where’s the girl with the list?”

It was a reference to the now-infamous “Pregnancy List”, a growing catalogue of more than 350 reasons why someone might think twice about having children.

For many, this list has become a form of free birth control, offering an unflinching look into the brutal realities of pregnancy and childbirth that often go unspoken.

The girl with the list

The list began with TikTok creator Yuni (@yuniquethoughts), who in 2021 casually started adding reasons not to have children in her Apple Notes app.

What began as a joke quickly turned into a cultural phenomenon. Every time another creator shared a video detailing an unexpected or shocking pregnancy symptom, Yuni would stitch the video and add it to her growing list.

Over time, her “cons” vastly outnumbered her “pros”, painting a raw and sometimes terrifying picture of what the body endures during pregnancy.

The reasons range from the common, like tearing during vaginal birth, severe nausea, or hair loss, to the almost unbelievable: teeth falling out, bones separating, nipples detaching, and even obstetric fistula, a devastating childbirth injury that leaves women incontinent.

“Reason number one why I will not be having children,” one video proclaims, “is they literally tear through your vagina. Tear!! Your skin apart so the little gremlins can evacuate.”

It’s equal parts horrifying and relatable content, depending on who’s watching. Some dismiss the list as fearmongering, but for others, it’s a rare form of honesty in a digital landscape that often romanticises motherhood.

The realities behind the list

The truth is, pregnancy isn’t all glowing skin and baby showers. It’s a medical event that fundamentally reshapes the body and not always in ways that heal.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 800 women die every day from preventable pregnancy and childbirth complications. Even in countries with advanced medical care, maternal health risks remain shockingly high.

In the United States, for example, the maternal mortality rate is approximately 17.4 deaths per 100 000 live births, one of the highest among developed countries. In the United Kingdom, maternal health complications affect about 70 000 women annually, highlighting the persistent challenges irrespective of resource availability.

Take Chantelle Petit, a TikTok creator who shared her experience. After a difficult delivery involving an episiotomy and tearing, she developed a rectovaginal fistula.

Injuries to her rectum and vagina created a hole between them, which resulted in her passing stool through her vagina. “I had to do four surgeries to rectify this,” she said. “It was the most excruciating pain I have ever had.”

Medical experts confirm that these aren’t rare exaggerations. Dr Shannon Clark, an OB-GYN specialising in high-risk pregnancies, explains that complications often occur regardless of how “healthy” or prepared a woman might be.

“What people expect is that the ones who have complications went into pregnancy sick, or didn’t take care of themselves,” Clark told "Today". “But that’s not always the case.”

From cracked ribs to postpartum depression

The list’s power lies in its detail. It includes things no doctor ever mentions during a prenatal appointment: babies getting stuck in ribs and cracking them, morning sickness so severe it bursts blood vessels in the eyes, or postpartum hair loss so extreme that bald patches appear overnight.

One TikTok user, Celest Merriman, went viral after showing bloodshot eyes caused by weeks of violent vomiting.

Viewers compared her to a vampire, but the story behind the image was sobering.

Mental health complications also feature heavily on the list. Postpartum depression affects around 1 in 7 mothers, according to the American Psychological Association, but shame and stigma keep many from seeking help.

Critics argue that the list fuels unnecessary fear. But advocates of the List counter that it arms women with knowledge they rarely receive elsewhere.

“They tell you the risks of every medical procedure, but women aren’t allowed to know what could happen to them during pregnancy?” one user asked in response to the trend.

And while some reasons might seem “shallow”, like not wanting stretch marks or changes in body shape, reproductive health experts stress that every reason for avoiding pregnancy is valid.

In fact, the openness of the list is what has made it resonate so widely. It invites conversation about everything from fertility risks to bodily autonomy at a time when reproductive rights are under increasing pressure.

The rise of the pregnancy list coincides with a broader movement to strip away the glossy veneer of motherhood presented online. From Reddit forums to TikTok threads, more women are choosing transparency over tradition.

And that shift matters. It challenges a culture that still downplays maternal health risks, despite centuries of evidence that pregnancy can be life-threatening.

The pregnancy list is not meant to terrify every woman out of motherhood, but to give choice back its full meaning. For some, reading it is confirmation that they want children anyway. For others, it’s a reminder that saying “no” to motherhood is just as valid.