It seems to happen so often - strong, independent women get involved in relationships with men who are just plain bad for them. And in spite of the warnings from friends and family, women don't take heed.
Idols star Karin Kortje is the latest on a long list of women to have made what appears to be a very bad choice of boyfriend.
Kortje was allegedly warned to stay away from Cheslyn Williams, who this week appeared in court charged with murder.
Further afield, supermodel Kate Moss's relationship with her junkie boyfriend Pete Doherty went on for a long time before she broke it off; while Whitney Houston is still married to "bad boy" Bobby Brown.
In your own circle of acquaintances you'll no doubt find a few more examples.
Why do women choose these men?
Vanessa Padayachee, National Programme Specialist for Victim Support Services for Nicro, believes it's largely to do with low self-esteem and a negative self-concept.
"Low self-esteem knows no class, no race and it happens to everyone," she says. And often it's camouflaged by success.
"These women want to achieve and achieve, and no matter what they achieve, it's never good enough for them."
With poor self-esteem comes emotional dependency, which is fuelled by the man. It feels good for the woman to depend on him, even if his behaviour is bad or abusive.
"We don't really know when low self-esteem has an impact; it can be in childhood or later, but it comes through as no self- respect and not being able to stand up for yourself. These women don't feel they deserve any better."
And because they don't feel complete in themselves, they latch onto others to get what they need. What they lack is a whole lot of lifeskills, and a positive self concept, which includes spiritual values, says Padayachee.
"Happiness is not determined by external factors, it starts in yourself."
Marita de Vos, director of Mosaic, which works extensively with women in difficult relationships, says women often don't know that the men they're getting involved with are "bad' men.
"They see the good in the men and don't notice the bad."
Women may be attracted to those things in a man which may seem charming at first, like his being jealous and a little possessive, and showering gifts on them, which may become very controlling traits later on.
"We often see women who say: 'But he's so good to me, he takes me out for lunches and buys me things.'
"They don't see that that's not necessarily good for them and is just part of a relationship where he's the benefactor, she's the charity recipient. She doesn't realise that that behaviour can become controlling and manipulative."
Another reason, says De Vos, is that women often don't see some behaviours as bad. For example, if their fathers were distant and showed them no love, they expect that from men.
"They don't see it in the beginning, and later on when it gets to them, they can't get out of the relationship."
Another reason, postulates De Vos, is strong peer pressure, especially with young girls, to go out with the glamorous men, the streetwise kids, the macho boys, and not the more serious or "nerdy" types.
"They don't know that the popular boy, the good-looking boy, is not always the right person for them," she says. And that there may be behaviours behind this image that mean that maybe he won't treat them so well.
De Vos agrees that self-esteem is central to choosing a man.
"These women don't know themselves, and don't know what they want. And so they put up with bad behaviour from men. Underlying this is often a low self-esteem, and not being able to state their own needs.
"Women don't listen to that inner voice that says he's wrong for me. They ignore it, thinking 'he'll change'."
If you're the kind of woman who always chooses "bad" men, it's time to take a good hard look at yourself.
"Only when you analyse your behaviour and needs can you begin to see why you're attracted to a man who is bad for you," says De Vos.
"He fulfils a need in you."
- jennyv@incape.co.za