This week I thought I’d share a several more questions I have been asked by teens that I have spoken to about sex. What surprises me is what they want to know and, more importantly, how similar the questions are to what adults ask me years later.
What is oral sex?
Oral sex is mouth and genital action regardless of gender.
Is sex emotional for women?
It can be for some and for others it’s just a physical act. Everyone is different, so honour how you feel.
How do lesbians and gay people have sex?
The same way straight people do. Oral, anal and penetrative. Women can use toys for penetration but remember penetration is not necessary for pleasure. Many men do not have penetrative sex either. So it’s up to the couple to decide what feels good for them.
Is sex sore the first time?
It really shouldn’t be if you are ready and willing. By that I mean stimulated, well lubricated and unafraid. It should be pleasurable and wonderful. It may hurt just because your vagina does not lubricate as it should. It could be because you are afraid or on certain medication. If your vagina does not lubricate enough just use a lubricant specially formulated for sex and available in pharmacies and grocery stores. If it continues to be painful, see a doctor.
Can you have sex on your periods?
Yes you can. Just remember to always have safe sex, use a condom.
How does a boy’s erection work?
When he gets excited blood rushes to his genitals and the blood fills his penis making it grow and become erect. Very similar to what happens to girls. Your genitals also become engorged from blood flow.
Why do men hump during sex? Is it pleasure or is it required?
I think they learn this from watching porn! But the up down movement is the quickest way for him to orgasm.
What should you do if your penis doesn’t work?
I am assuming this has to do with not getting an erection. At your age it is usually stage fright so be kind. In older men it is often a sign of illness. Just remember that he is as afraid as you. If the penis does not get erect maybe you should both wait and relax. Do not laugh, or tease - be respectful.
Can a condom break?
Yes. Do not use two condoms, it is the friction that tears them.
What are the bases?
In my day the bases were a lot tamer. Generally it was holding hands, kissing, having a feel through your clothes - breasts, genitals, etc. Feeling flesh, mutual masturbation and then having sex.
How long does sex last?
It can last a whole day depending on your definition. However, if you are talking about penetrative, penis and vagina sex then not very long at all. See my answers on orgasm.
Why do you need sex?
You only need it to have babies. However, it is very pleasurable and a wonderful way to explore and experience intimacy.
Can you have sex standing?
Yes, just make sure you don’t fall over - that won’t be too sexy!
What is kinky sex?
Whatever you think it is. It could be blindfolding for you and sex in a public place for someone else.
There are many fetishes in the world and these can all be kinky or not.
Why does giving birth seem so
painful?
Because it is; fortunately you don’t really remember the pain and today we have drugs to help.
What if the penis is too big?
If it really is too big then maybe you need a different partner but often you think it is too big because you are not ready to have sex, may not be lubricated enough, etc. Remember the vagina stretches so it can usually accommodate most penises.
Can you miss a period if you are not pregnant?
Yes, but if you have had sex don’t ignore it. Periods can stop for a number of reasons especially if you are not regular yet. Only panic if you have had sex.
Butt plugs?
A sex toy with a flared base that goes into the anus. Made out of a variety of materials. Ensure that they are cleaned properly.
And on that happy note let me remind you that you can buy a butt plug at Lola Montez.
Let me know what you’d like to hear about next week via email: sharon@lolamontez.co.za