16 Days Campaign | 'He sexually assaulted me despite promising my dying stepdad he would take care of us'

I WAS sexually assaulted when I was in high school. I don’t have a lot of memory of all the details, as it’s a part of my life I chose to block out. 

What I do remember is that he was the father of my childhood friends I grew up with - a man who told my dying stepfather, who was the father figure in my life, that he would take care of us. 

My mom was a single parent after he died, so we had limited things we could afford. I attended school in Athlone, which meant I had to walk from Heideveld to Athlone. 

There was a time I drove with this man to school, as he transported school kids, and he would give me money. His family thought I stole from their shop, since we served in their shop in the mornings and, during school, they would see me at the tuck shop as we attended the same school. The dad gave me the money, but I wasn’t allowed to tell them. I thought this man felt sorry for me.

As time went on, my mom could not afford to pay for the transport, so I had to start walking. This man knew my routes and times. He would drop the kids he drove, then come looking for me, pick me up, and drive me to a specific spot where he would do things no adult should do to a child. 

He would touch and tell me that when I’m older he would… (go further). It went on for a long time, I can’t remember how long. Even if I changed my route, he would find me. Even if I got people to walk me halfway, he would wait until it was clear to get me. He once even put me in his boot because he had to pick up someone who should not see me with him. This man was dangerous. I was afraid of him; he had many people behind him.

I eventually could not focus in school. I became rebellious in some ways and couldn’t keep it in. I broke down with friends of mine and ended up in the principal’s office. From there it was hospitals and courts. I don’t know how many court appearances I attended. 

I know this man was jailed; I can’t say if it was for my case or more cases, I have no clue but he was jailed. He is out now. I’ve seen him walk past me in the mall. The first time I saw him, I was so afraid; my heart skipped a beat. But I told myself I have nothing to be afraid of. I still have a little fear, as I’m human and people like him are sick, you can expect anything but I don’t show it. That’s part of my story, and I’m a survivor.

But it took a lot from me. I was afraid to be away from my mom, which led me to drop out of school because I wanted to move back to my mom after staying with my dad’s mom for a while. I would say it took my career from me, and I am struggling to find decent employment even now. I don’t like to be away from my mom. I was staying with my in-laws, but I came back to my mom, and it’s so cramped here; it’s me, my husband, and my three girls in one room. My eldest is almost 17, but I feel more comfortable being close to my mom.

This article forms part of a series of articles written by GBV victims and survivors to be featured during this 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children Campaign. Full names are being withheld to protect identities.

Cape Times