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Amanda du Pont and others speak their truth: Why we need to talk about non-consensual sex as rape in a relationship

During her more than 17-minute response, Du Pont said she was raped, physically and emotionally abused for two years by Jub Jub. Picture: Instagram screengrab

During her more than 17-minute response, Du Pont said she was raped, physically and emotionally abused for two years by Jub Jub. Picture: Instagram screengrab

Published Dec 4, 2021

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Looking directly at the camera, it’s clear Amanda du Pont is trying to keep her composure.

The pain of reliving her trauma is palatable and yet she continues to tell her story.

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Her statement was in response to an earlier podcast interview her ex Molemo “Jub Jub” Maarohanye did with MacG during his final episode of Podcast and Chill.

Making explosive claims, the TV presenter alleged that his former partner and mother of his child Kelly Khumalo used “muti’.

He also claimed that du Pont, who he dated, left him because of Khumalo’s muti.

During her more than 17-minute response, du Pont said she was raped, physically and emotionally abused for two years by Jub Jub.

“The only thing I did wrong was keep quiet.

“But that ends here I will not be publicly ridiculed by this criminal,“ she said.

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Moments after Du Pont shared her heart-wrenching post on social media, women from across the country rallied behind her. Why? Because many had been, and still are, in the same situation.

Disclaimer: Some readers may find the below video triggering

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For many of us, we associate rape with a stranger preying on you in a dark alley, when in reality it hits much closer to home.

While reporting on the second quarter crime stats, Police Minister Bheki Cele said South Africa reported 9 556 rapes in just three months, an increase of 600 compared to the same period last year.

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"With almost 10 000 people being brutalised and sexually violated in just three months in South Africa, is a disgrace and deeply disturbing. The majority of people raped are women and those most vulnerable in our society,“ added Cele.

Statistically speaking, most unreported cases of rapes are perpetrated by someone we know – an uncle, cousin or partner.

The lines get blurred when non-consensual sex happens within a relationship.

Confused and angry, many women try to make sense of it by thinking “he loves me, so it can’t be rape” or “it’s my duty as a wife and partner”.

Du Pont maybe subscribed to this school of thought, thinking afterwards she’s a strong, empowered woman who refuses to be a victim.

And here’s the sad part – non-consensual sex is common among couples.

Women don’t speak out because they didn’t say “no”.

It’s just another form of sexual coercion when tactics like “pressure, trickery, or emotional force are used to get someone to agree to sex”.

While chatting to Mara Glennie, the founder of TEARS Foundation, for a previous story for last year’s 16 Days of Activism campaign, she refused to sugar coat it.

“Coercive sex is a sparsely used term, and I think we camouflage what’s happening by calling it that. We need to say this is rape,” said Glennie.

She used stealthing (non-consensual condom removing during the act of sex) as an example of coercive sex, saying “whether you knew it or not, and you had sex against your will – it is rape”.

With their years of experience, TEARS has found young girls seem to be the victims of this type of sexual abuse.

“These girls are emotionally blackmailed into a sexual relationship, especially if they’ve had sex with the boy before,” said Glennie.

She also feels that people don’t know their rights.

“Women should know if he feels like sex and you don’t – that’s your right.

“Your body is your right.”

Visit www.tears.co.za for more info

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