Johannesburg - Media personality Andile Ncube, A father of four says he doesn’t believe in the term or labelling of a ‘single parent.’
“I don’t believe in being a ‘single father’ or a ‘single mother.’ Your relationship status has got nothing to do with parenthood. I may be single when it comes to my relationship status but I’m not a single father because I raise my children with their mothers and I have beautiful relationships with them,” he said.
Ncube was the latest father to be in conversation with Thato “TT” Mbha driving the vision of Amatyma forward. During the insightful Amatyma discussion, he said he was raised by his stepfather after his parents divorced.
“The father who raised me is not the father who birthed me and I’ve had typically good relationships with both of them (my biological father and stepfather). They were different relationships but perfect for the time. In the late 80s and the early 90s, a father was a mere provider. That’s what our parents grew up knowing. My father never took me to the field to play. He provided me with everything that I needed and that was his way of showing love.”
While the dynamics of having a biological father and stepfather were there when he was growing up, Ncube said he never found himself confused as a child as to who was who in his life.
“It was simple to me. My mother got married to my dad, they got divorced and my dad went a different way. My mother remarried when I was in primary school and the man she remarried became my father. There was never confusion - I know who they are in my life and they know who they are in my life,” he said.
While his stepfather is late, he said he wouldn’t want to change anything with his biological father because he did the best that he could for Anilde and his siblings.
“However, I would love for him to see me father my children so he could see what I would’ve needed back then.”
He said he would love for his father to be the best grandfather he can be to his children in the best way that he knows how. As a father, Ncube said he believes it’s important for him to remind his children that he loves them.
“My kids are used to ending every phone call I have with them with ‘I love you’ because I have it ingrained in them. It is important because we are meant with such shortened lives that we read about people who leave the world with so much unsaid. So if anything ever happens to me, my children will never question if I ever loved them. They know that without a doubt. In war, in pain, the foundation of that is love,” he said.
His advice to men who are infertile and have the desire to have their children but can’t is that they can still play a role in someone’s life because fatherhood is not limited to biology.
“In any home where I father, I father. If I meet a woman and I have a child with her, or if I meet one with a child, I father. Fatherhood is a lot like leadership except it’s for very few that are called because not everyone can be a father. Anyone can make children but not everyone can be a father. So for those who can’t have children, it doesn’t mean they can’t father, it may mean you can’t produce sperm biologically but you can still play a significant fatherly role in someone’s life because many children need fathers,” he said.
For more information, the Amatyma movement carries the Amatyma Wellness Check-in conversations every Tuesday on the Amatyma_SA Instagram page.