Senior sex for the frisky fifties, sensual sixties and beyond. Picture: File
I’ve been a guest on 702 for the past three weeks. We’ve been chatting about the outer fringe fetishes and on Friday night I’m chatting about adult toys on an international podcast. I thought I had said everything there was to say over the past 20 years but clearly, I’m just beginning. On this past Tuesday’s show, a gentleman explained that his wife is 53 and seems to have gone off him. He wanted to know what he could do to make her desire him again.
What I said was that he must remember that she is probably going through menopause and that what is happening in her body has absolutely nothing to do with him. He should show some understanding and be patient. Try stimulating her mind and not to step out of the marriage. And all of that is true, but I’m sure that all she really wants is for him to leave her alone for a while so she can figure out what the hell is going on in her body. Women live with hormones that fluctuate on every given day and then one day they stop, and you have to consider what to do next. I went on HRT, (hormone replacement therapy) use a progesterone cream and remind myself that sex, regardless of whether I feel like it or not, is good for me and even better for my relationship.
I always wonder whether I am ever going to be able to orgasm as easy as I used to and whether my libido will ever recover? And when are the hot flushes which happen at 2 am when I am consistently without power EVER going to end?
They say that age is just a number. Well yes, but things have changed. The worst part for me is the plumpness of my skin. I bruise and tear skin with more frequency than I did as a toddler, and this spread along my previously glorious flat tummy makes me want to oops.
For those of you battling with body image just know today is the best it’s going to be from an age perspective. Sure, you can firm up or lose some weight, but nothing is going to stop your skin from thinning. If you have a secret recipe, please share.
Over the years I’ve heard many women say if they don’t have to have sex again they would be quite content. I always thought it’s because they’d never had great sex, but now I get it. Because I’m in the sex industry, the purveyor of sex toys at www.lolamontez.co.za this is a very sad place to be. I’ve had to work on keeping intimacy alive in my relationship otherwise I’d feel like a fraud.
Here’s what I know about the benefits of maintaining intimacy before, during and after menopause.
• It maintains and strengthens connections: between you and a partner, sex can be a great couple’s communication tool and help bring you closer together via pair-bonding hormones released after orgasm.
• It maintains health: there are a whole bunch of health benefits of having sex, both mental and physical; it can burn fat, help ward off common illnesses and decrease anxiety, so take two and call us in the morning.
• It’s effective escapism: it may sound frivolous, but it’s no less important that sex can be great activity to help you and someone special to simply get away from it all, if only for a little while.
• It can increase your lifespan: the improved state of mind and the sexual health benefits mentioned already could possibly add years to your life – and if not, at least you’re having fun trying. Even with great benefits like the above, a lot of us worry about sex in our advanced years for reasons that exist only in our heads, and also some that are very real.
Men don’t age unscathed. Men deal with lowered testosterone as the years go by, while women grapple with diminishing levels of oestrogen, both of which can be obstacles to sexual enjoyment – however not insurmountable ones.
What can he expect?
Age will affect his testosterone levels, which has side effects that will impact his sex drive, such as fatigue and depression. If you start to notice a change, testosterone may have something to do with it. The great thing is that help is at hand. You can have a testosterone shot to help and then there is that little blue pill.
Hardening of arteries can affect his ability to achieve and maintain an erection. The tiny blood vessels that supply blood flow to the penis may not be working as effectively – however you can effectively cut this off at the pass and diminish the effect by including cardio in your workout routine.
Meanwhile, stimulate blood flow to your intimate areas by stimulating them yourself – masturbation causes the exact kind of blood flow that’s so important to having sex, so go for some self-prescribed pleasure every now and then.
You can also use a penis pump to help the process along. Bathmate make a variety. Check them out on the www.lolamontez.co.za site.
What can she expect?
Post-menopausal women will notice that their oestrogen levels have dropped, resulting in producing less vaginal lubrication when aroused. This means that more foreplay is required to fully prepare for love making, otherwise a premium lubricant like Pjur. This supplies a quick fix. Age can also affect women physically; as we get older, the vagina can actually shorten and become narrower, and the vaginal walls can become thinner. If you were to cut a 25-year old’s vagina in half, the walls would look like a minute steak. Mine on the other hand would be likened to a tissue. That thin. Each of these changes can affect the sensations of intimacy, so we suggest embarking on sexual self- exploration to discover how your changing body takes pleasure.
Masturbation can be a valuable aid to discovering what works and what doesn’t before sharing your discoveries with someone special. Life can be challenging a lot of the time, but sex should never add to our anxiety. If you’re concerned, please see your GP.
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Saturday Star
Sharon Gordon