“Am I being a wicked stepmother for wanting to turn my stepson’s room into a nursery for my baby?” asks this mom on a social media forum.
“We live in a two-bedroom home and have a nine-month-old baby who has been sleeping in a cot in our bedroom as the spare room is dedicated to my stepson.
“However, my stepson visits only every second weekend and I think we should turn his room into a nursery which he can share with his stepbrother. Or he can sleep on the sleeper couch in the lounge when he visits.
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“But his mother says this is wrong, and while my husband initially agreed with me, he is now backing down out of guilt.
“Is it really too much to ask the stepson to share the room with the baby or to use the sleeper couch when he comes? In my opinion my stepson just needs a drawer for his clothes and a mattress to set up somewhere when he comes over.
“Am I being selfish to want a nursery for my child?”
The experts have a lot to say on this.
In fact, this is a typical query from a step-parent as sometimes they do not think the stepchild needs a room of their own because they aren't there all the time, and that space could be used for something else.
Blending families is difficult, but experts believe the stepchild should have his own space to ensure he feels part of his dad’s new family, and is not just seen as a guest visiting every second weekend.
He needs to feel that his “other home” is his home too, irrespective of the time he spends there.
This does not necessarily mean he needs his own bedroom, given that space is limited. But he does need a more permanent space dedicated to him if he is coming every other weekend. This can include sharing a room - however he will need at least his own bed and an area to keep things - you could even use a room divider to separate spaces.
Psychologists say this issue is often the first to come up if the family does not have the resources for each child to have a separate bedroom, and one visits only from time to time.
It is however important that the stepchild has a permanent spot so they don’t feel like an intruder in the home.
The sleeper couch could work, however the stepmother needs to allow the child to make it feel like home, allowing him to have his favourite photos around and to put up his favourite posters to mark his space.
If they opt to let the children share a room, then the stepson needs to have his own cupboard for his things and it should be lockable so it is not disturbed by the toddler when the stepson is away.
What would you do in this situation? Is it wrong of the stepmother to want to turn her stepson’s room into a nursery?
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