Washington - Parenting coach Meghan Leahy answered questions recently in an online chat. Here she tackles threats of violence.
QUESTION: My four-year-old has gotten into threatening us, and we haven't come up with a good response. When we tell him no, or that something he wants isn't going to be available to him, he often responds with threats of violence - e.g., “Then I'm going to smash your head,” etc. I'd really like this language to stop. Any ideas?
ANSWER: Language is so deliciously powerful, isn't it?
And your four-year-old knows this now! He gets to watch your eyes widen when he threatens to smash your head. This is exciting - and so intoxicating for a four-year-old. (Mine is telling me she hates me daily.)
So, pay it no real mind. (It grows the drama.) Give him a hug or a smile, say, “I know, it is frustrating when _____.”
Go right over the violent threat.
When my four-year-old says she hates me, I say, “I know, it is frustrating to be in this family,” and she says, “Yeah, and I do love you, Mom. I also just hate you.”
And I totally get it. I really do.
Washington Post